The Interrogation part 2

After the day I moved out of the first host family’s house, I went into a little slump. I still didn’t know my place here as a volunteer. I have only been in my site for about two months, but I still felt like I wasn’t moving fast enough. Sometimes the problems in the community seem like they are way too big for me, and I felt that the school really didn’t need me. For weeks I just sat and tried to brainstorm ideas on what I should do. Most of the ideas that I came up with required too much money or required participation from too many people. At the same time I was still getting use to the obvious differences from my culture and the Panamanians. Little everyday things that happen here were becoming big to me. I was getting tired of people just randomly cutting me in line, interrupting me when I was talking, rushing off the buses like there is a bomb in it, and constantly eating rice and beans. These are small things that usually I laugh at but when I felt like I didn’t have a purpose, it just made it hard on me. In the last few months, I have met many volunteers throughout the country. I believe that all volunteers come here with the purpose to help, but after a while things change. Some of us get soo frustrated with the differences here that they just give up. They become heavy partiers and are worthless to the community that they are supposed to serve. Some just say “FORGET THIS” and go home. I doubt that I will become one of these people; however I don’t want the temptation. I would like to be one of the volunteers that I have met who find that happy median and don’t allow the frustration to weigh them down.

A few days ago I had a change of heart. I went to visit the school counselor just to see how she was doing. After speaking to her I found out that she is the one who actually requested me to be at the school. We sat and talked about ideas that I came up with and what she felt that the school needed. After an hour of talking, we brainstormed a lot of ideas that would keep me busy for the entire next year. It’s as if my energy was renewed from that conversation. I was again happy and ready to move on to other challenges that I have to deal with, like finding another place to live and getting to know more people.

 I have been extremely aggressive in trying to find an apartment. This month I’ve been searching crazzzy hard. I have no idea how many miles I walked to go see apartments and how many people I’ve called for information. Unfortunately I haven’t mastered the art of speaking Spanish over the phone. The only thing that I can do is to listen for the important words and phrases. The conversation usually goes like this. Hola Como esta…. Rakataka rakataka bbbllluugg blug 2 bedrooms….does it have its own kitchen and bathroom…rakataka rakataka yes…where is it…. Blug blug rakataka rakataka.. in David City..how much does it cost…. De repente.. blug…rakataka 150 a month..How long is the contract for…raaakkkttaa..a year..where are you from? Are you Arabic?.. No I’m from the States, Thank you and I’ll give you a call back. Eventually I found a decent place in a great part of town that is a short walk to the school and all the stores that a shop at. Bam now my second problem is solved.

Not too long ago, I was talking to a couple Panamanians about how I haven’t had the chance to make a lot of friends here in the city. So far I have a lot of acquaintances but not many people to talk to on a regular base. They suggested to me that I should join this website that a lot of people in Panama use to meet people. They said it was kind of like a Panamanian facebook. At first I said no I don’t feel like it, but about after 2 weeks or so I decided to give it a try. So I sat down and took about 15 minutes to make a profile. There is a question on the signup that says who are you willing to meet? I put whoever because I figured I’m on here to network with natives, no matter what their sex is. SOO a couple of days later I check my email and the site alerted me that I had six new messages. Wow this site works fast. I log on to check the messages and all of the messages are from MEN. One message is from a 52 year old man that has constantly checked my page. They message read “hey fella”, the next one was from some guy with his shirt off and oil all over his chest. The message read, “Hey how are you, I want to see more pics.” I stopped reading after that. No Mr. Oiled up man you cannot see anymore pictures! I guess I’m going to shut down my profile and just meet people the old fashion way. Wish me luck

                                                                                                                 

The interrogation- part 1

Oh, how I cant wait to move into my own place. So far I have been sleeping on worn out foam mattresses, hard couches, sleeping pads, and wood tablets. Most of the time I wake up feeling like someone was stomping on the back of my neck all night. If I haven’t told you already, the first 3 months in my site I am required to live with a host family. The plan is that I am supposed to live with three different families for a 1 month in order not to wear out my welcome. To move into another person's house after already living with a 2 different host families during training just isn’t favorable to me. Actually I think Im pretty much over it.  Also the poor unsuspecting host family doesn’t know yet that I don’t have much money to pay for my stay there. Unfortunately this puts them and I in a difficult situation. When each family agreed to house me, I asked them what would be a fair price for me to stay there. Each of the families didn’t give me a direct answer. They would say ooh just help with the food , or oooh we'll figure it out later. So i figured ooh Ill be fine, it shouldn’t be too much. How sooo wrong I was. In the first house everything started off great. The food was excellent, the host mother was really nice and her family was very welcoming. The only downfalls were that I had to share a room with a guy who snores extremely LOUD. A couple of times I thought I would have to do CPR on him because it sounded like he was choking on his tongue. Also I had a strict curfew. I had to be in the house by 7. But things started to change when she busted out the calculator during breakfast, Ill tell u about that later. The second host family, weell what can I say about that situation. The second house that I was supposed to move into happens to be a teacher at the school. I would occasionally ask him in advance before i moved, what was a fair price for him and he would always say I need to talk to my wife. After the 3rd time I figured I would just have to make him an offer. So i did, after I gave him a number he just made a bitter beer face and said I’ll have to talk to my wife. So I gave him my phone number so he could call me after he spoke her. He then pulled out a piece a paper and wrote it down. When I was back in the states, if a girl wrote down my number on a piece of paper and did not put it in her cell phone I knew that she was not going to call. So when he did that I got kind of worried. When December 1st rolled around it was my day to move. Twelve o’clock no call from the professor. Two o’clock rolls around I give him a call, No answers, 4oclock no answer. By this time I came to the conclusion that he just flaked out on me. So I called the third host family and asked her could I move in early and she said, yea when. Today.... TODAY your crazy. Uhm Im serious. Then she said ok just give me time to clean up then you can come. 

I went to visit my assigned community the other day. It felt kinda strange walking around by myself. Usually I am with someone that knows the area and can let me know which places I should and should not go. I still haven’t developed the bravery to go everywhere in the area. There are some places that look just too shady for me to go there. One of my first stops was to my former host mother’s house. When I arrived her husband was happy to see me and very friendly. He’s such a cool dude. He reminds me of my late granddad. He always has his signature hat on, fishnet tank top, and his thick bifocals laying in the hammock on the porch. However I wasn’t welcomed warmly by the host mother. She just sat by the door and gave me a stank face the whole time. She never got up from her chair and continued sewing a blanket of scarf or something, I don’t know. After I sat and talked to her husband I walked towards to say bye and she still continued with the stank face. The only thing I think of why she would be mad at me is because of the morning that she whipped out the calculator. It’s possible she wants more money from me because of my stay there.  On the morning that she whipped out the calculator she asked me to calculate 5 dollars times the amount of times I am will be eating here. I did and the number came up to more than I will be paying rent for in my own apartment. From the get go, I told her that I can’t afford what she wanted to charge me and I was willing to move if it came to that. She then told me that I could continue to stay there and, I suggested to her that I will just find my own food and she doesn’t have to cook for me. She agreed to this but days went by and she would continue to offer me food. I would continuously refuse and she would continue to offer me more. After a few days I figured that she must have had a change of heart, so sometimes I would go ahead and eat what she wanted to serve me. Within the 3rd week of me being there she would drop little clues about money and how everything is sssssssooo expensive (bien caro), and how here kids would send her money from the city because she didn’t have much. Since I made me point clear from the beginning I just ignored it. On my last day there I woke up in the morning and she asked me do I know someone named Natalia. I said no, and she began to tell me how this volunteer did nothing for her community and she was there for 2 years and was lazy. She then interrogated me on what am I going to do for the community and what have I already done. Then she said that your are suppose to help us with all our issues but you refuse help with bridge down the street (a week before this she asked me if I can repair a bridge, and bluntly said that’s not what I am here for). I gave her a nice answer that included I am dedicated, to being a good volunteer and helping with the youth however I still have to get acquainted with the country, the culture and my surroundings. What I really wanted say was, what the hell is your problem? I still can’t speak in the past subjunctive tense, I still need help finding my way to the grocery store, I only know 10 people here, and do you expect for me to pull some metal rods and some cement out my anus and start building a bridge that I have no idea how to make.